What I learned watching all 164 episodes of "Vanderpump Rules"

The short answer...not much!

May 15, 2020
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What have you been doing during quarantine?  Maybe learning a new skill, getting in shape, bettering yourself?  That’s awesome! 

Oh, me?  Well, I watched all 164 episodes of “Vanderpump Rules”.  Every episode, every reunion special, every “Secrets Revealed”.  All of ‘em.

This was certainly not me “bettering myself”, but it did make me feel better ABOUT myself.  If you’re not familiar, the show follows a group of young West Hollywood restaurant bartenders and servers and their adventures in lying, cheating, and drinking under the watchful eye of former “Real Housewife” Lisa Vanderpump and her dogs.  So, what did I learn while doing this for the past two months?

-That if I can survive hearing a song about these “being the best days of our lives” 164 times during a pandemic, I can survive anything.

-Drinking excessively at home seems to be a lot less dramatic than doing it in public.

-Don’t refer to yourself in 3rd person.  LaLa does this a lot.  Sean will not be doing this.

-Goat cheese balls and crispy chicken sound delicious.  Well all food sounds delicious these days, but those two items in particular.

-People in Hollywood love Botox-starting in their early 20s?  What wrinkles could you possibly have to hide at that age?  “Yeah, I had some stressful modeling gigs recently…time to poke some needles in my forehead!”

-I thought themed birthday parties were something that ended when you were ten years old, but the Vanderpump gang has one every week.  They are a must from now on.

-Tequila is the number one selling liquor the past couple of months, and tequila equals trouble. This show would have 50 percent less fighting if tequila wasn’t involved.

-If you’re in a group and someone isn’t there, they will be talked about and talked about badly.  Never leave the group.  Never go to the bathroom.

-If you wait tables at Sur, you can take 20 minute breaks to argue behind the restaurant and your tables will be fine.  This is the only restaurant in America that operates like this.

-Disappointing Lisa Vanderpump is worse than disappointing your own family.

-Man tears are occasionally okay.  Occasionally.

-I will never listen to any of these songs the cast makes for their music “careers”, except for “Touch in Public”.  That’s a jam.

-It’s not about the pasta.

-You should try to be the number one guy in the group.  A good life lesson there.  Thanks, Jax.

So raise your glasses high…this one’s for you tonight.  Thanks to the Vanderpump gang for helping pass the time during quarantine.  Pump-tinis for everyone!