Artist rendition of 'Oumuamua

The Unknown Blogger: Extraterrestrials on Their Way to Save Earth

But Can’t Enter United States Due to Alien Ban

November 9, 2018

Astronomers from Harvard University have published a new paper outlining the possibility that a huge, cigar-shaped rock that entered our solar system in October 2017 may have been an alien spaceship. The rock, spaceship or whatever the heck it is, was named 'Oumuamua, which I think is Hawaiian for "Hey brah, what the hell is that?"

Abraham Loeb and Shmuel Bialy, both from the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, are both not Hawaiian but I'm guessing nonetheless smoke a lot of pakalolo. I’m just sayin’. Anyway, in their paper they outlined various scientifically-based explanations as to what 'Oumaumau might be, including a comet or a really large Mr. Hankey, but also write "Alternatively, a more exotic scenario is that ‘Oumuamua may be a fully operational probe sent intentionally to Earth vicinity by an alien civilization." Boom! Drop the mic.

Unfortunately, 'Oumuamua is no longer in our solar system which is probably a good thing. I mean seriously. Why would an advanced alien civilization want to come here? What could we possibly offer them that they don’t already have? Okay. We do have the McRib for a limited time only but for some reason I assume extraterrestrials are vegetarians and otherwise not interested in such delightful, pressed-meat delicacies.

In any event and assuming 'Oumuamua was or is an alien spaceship, I for one would love for them to come to Austin and say, "Mr. Earthling with paper bag on head, we come in peace. Here are tonight’s winning lotto numbers."

Shazbot nanu nanu, 'Oumuamua.